as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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