I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
