I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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