I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
