Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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