Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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