We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize