My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
