Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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