Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
