I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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