I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
