I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
