I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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