god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
