I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
