i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
