I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
