Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
