so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
