Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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