Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
