i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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