Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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