he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
