I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
