you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
