Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I CAN MOONWALK!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
