life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Im just a social blackout drinker.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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