It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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