stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
