You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
