I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
