Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
