Already got asked if we're dating
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
