Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sext me about skeletons
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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