I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize