omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
