My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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