he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
