she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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