Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
