try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
