i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize