i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
