nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Send help, water and tortillas.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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