I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
