this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
