Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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