Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
