im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
