Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
