im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
