My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
