were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this boner is exhausting
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
