Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
