Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
