Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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