I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
