my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
