Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
