Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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