Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
