i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
