Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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