I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
