you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
