May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
