I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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