when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
