I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
