She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
So squirting runs in the family.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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