she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
