wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
