we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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