It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
