OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
