She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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