Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
