i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
