and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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