I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
