apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
