I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
