I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
