I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
