The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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