the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
